YES MY DEAR LUCIA! i am going to update as I promised!! =)

I have not been really happy actually. A friend was really rude on the phone to me over really some stupid thing and yes we are not talking. and being a guy like him, I doubt I will never ever get the chance of hearing him apologise. It is kinda sad isn't it..where relationships with everyone is so vulnerable.

Personally, I dont know if i am suffering before departure depression. I dont want to leave. I feel sianz of everything. Even meeting with friends sometimes is becoming a difficult task for me because I don't feel like going out. Headache is becoming more frequent and I can't believe that I have made the decision to leave the rally team. I dont regret though because I think I am not ready. Maybe part of me feel I dont want this to replace the first rally that I had.

Somehow I wish for something different now.I know ..I just need to be happier and be more satisfied

hahas okay!
I have basically no intention to blog at all but since my favourite reader has requested me to do so after my exams (can't seem to find a valid reason to say no to that "order')..I have decided to blog!

been out really late the past few days..went dwayne's house for 1st ever arsenal match! the 3 arsenal fans were really disappointed that they lost to chelsea!

life has been much better since you are gone.I wish you can just stop harassing me.Its really starting to get on my nerves!I know you mean well but sometimes, I wish you can just broaden your horizon and view, and stop putting me as your life goal or something like that. I sound harsh and I don't deny it because I think by doing it soft on you has direct impact on me. I think I have tried it and I am not willing to try it again.

I know you are reading and I have to say I am not afraid of it being read.Because sometimes I wish everything that is within me can be implied without being said

my life has moved on ever since and I really wish yours will to.

I get extremely upset when the people whom I so dearly love just do not understand me. especially when it comes to my parents, it hurts me to most

I still remember once I scored about 80 over for a maths paper in sec2. It was lower than my usual 90 over and I got scolded for not studying hard when the paper was set purposely at a higher standard. I was in fact one of the top few in class already but yet my mom didnt believe me.

Another time when I was in primary school, I got canned by my mom for staying at my friend's house for slightly more than an hr to play. She wanted me home straight from school.

As I grow older, the reminder of working hard does surface at times by parents. Though it can just be a reminder, it can seem as an insult to me. Even friends know that I work hard. If my own parents can't see it, do they even understand my character at all?

I am just 2 days away before reaching 1 drving probation year. all i ask is just to allow me to drive alone to church from home. it was a definite no. what made me upset was the fact my dad does not understand that i would never want to do something which i am not confident at. If I wasnt confident, I wouldnt want to take the car at all.

I really often wonder how much my parents know me.
and this is defnitely not helping my current down period.

its been so long
and its only a day before school officially starts.
here I am, feeling really scared and daunted by the upcoming obstacles and hardships.
I have a premonition that I may fail again. The failure is nothing new and I always try to believe thats failure isn't the difficult part. Its the aftermath of picking myself up again and facing the reality. Up to now, I have to say I failed in doing so. If not, why am I so afraid of the uncertainties.
How many there are? about 4 currently?
I wish I didnt need to worry that much. I wish I didnt have the tendency to blow things up when its no big deal.
Somehow I wish this is not the real me.

Lucia, hope everything is well. Somehow everytime I blog, I think of you =)

3 more wks to exams?
I wonder why i am getting so vulnerablet these few days.
I used to be able to fan off the hurt and obstacles at least to some extent and minimise the pain.
but not anymore
I wish the old self back really

its been months since I last blogged.really wonder who will come here now and be interested in my life.hahahs
things have been changing drastically over the past few months.there were many surprises along the way. They can be joyous but heartbreaking ones too.
Somehow I feel it isn't going to work. There is this tiny warning that I am sensing so much recently, telling me this is not going to work out.

Its really better to be alone after all.
or I am hoping I will get accustomed to everything

after several days of thinking why I was feeling so sianzzz
I finally realise the reason why

coz I am officially sick! oh great! the 3 or more horrendous wk is coming up! =((
ARGHHHH