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i am rewriting my entry again and again because i am just not satisfied my use of language and the content of it. i was thinking about the freedom i have enjoyed throughout my years in this family. my parents are pretty impartial and they dont exactly show baisness towards any of the children, which is pretty good for us. I just feel really blessed to have parents of such capability. not with respect to their qualifications what so ever but rather, their ability to nuture both my brother and I into what we are today. Although we may not be the elites in school, but at least we flare reasonably well in our exams which i see most of my mom's friends' children dont. For this, i am really grateful.

if only i can just get the grades i want. if only the hardwork i have put in will be proportionate to my results. seeing how disappointed my parents are is just so heart wrenching. i may just break down. i dont been crying but rather the system in me may collapse soon. i will do whatever i can. i will never stop trying i hope so sigh

and you are just nothing but a hypocrite to me. you have nothing but i dont know why after so long, this mindset of is beginning to sink into me. i refuse to believe but i guess its true.